So...after two years of planning and prepping, I've finally went to and have returned from Burning Man.
There's been a great deal that has happened while out there, and yet I feel like I did practically nothing of any significance that is worthy of what would be considered a Burning Man experience.
The drive away from the event on Monday was of me feeling sickly and full of "I hate this feeling of nausea" sobbing. I'm realizing it was mostly of my feelings of "yeah I'm leaving this dusty mess and anxiousness of going home" that really had me on and off crying.
I do have some things that were great our there. It wasn't all a waste, really. I think at this moment that my head is really having trouble with re-entry to reality camp. I can see now why people are more than desperate to go back out for so many years in a row. There is just SO much to see and participate in that one visit really is just not sufficeint. I hate seeing the pics of the art that required participation to really get it that I did not actually get up close and personal with. The lotus flower art piece was an art piece that you had to come up and actually touch it so that the flower would light up in rhythm with your heartbeat. I saw it from a distance and thought the colors were wonderful...but failed to remember the interactive part of that art piece...so failed to participate as I should have to really understand and feel what this art was really about.
Oiy...such a crybaby I have become. Hoping that soon I'll finally remember the good that did happen there and use that to reprogram my brain back into the state of "having fun whenever and wherever I can find it".
I responded with "So, in rebellion you created a fire that can't be put out quickly by throwing water on it. Nice."
He didn't get it. :(
The last few months I've been noticing that I still think like I did when I was in highschool. Heck, I even react to many situations and people like I did back in highschool. This isn't neccessarily a bad thing, I have noticed that I have had nice adult level revelations and inner brain/heart discoveries. Even my intense need to make this world a more fairer and balance of powers has driven me the last year or so. One of these days I will have a sit down with Tyr. :)
I've also noticed that adults my age and even older are practically doing the same thing. Especially when I went to my family reunion where not only was I NOT relegated to the kids table, but hearing the stories of my Aunts & Uncles and my successful ending to a confrontation with one of my Uncles; I've discovered, we ARE all teenagers trying to find the party. It's weird feeling. The whole older and wiser thing...????
I don't feel adult. The responsibilites changed, but really...mow lawn because Dad said do it - mow lawn because housing association said do it...do homework because teaches said do it - make quotas at work because bosses said do it...doing chores to and keeping good grades to keep us from losing privaliges - pay bills to keep from losing "privaliges". We are still teenagers! The types of responsibilites have changed and yet not changed. I can see the point of becoming a hermit off the grid...more opportunities to party.
Seeing this video this morning after this heavy thinking did nothing to make me think any differently. https://www.youtube.com/
I read article and there are some hits for me. Biggest that blew my mind was the neck pain. For the last 4 days my neck has been feeling like I've just experienced whiplash. Even with work stress over 2yrs now...suddenly I'm having neck pain that has actually made me use the Hitachi Wand for it's "pretended" purpose.
On New Year's Eve, I had a friend go ahead and read some cards...I just wanted a one card wonder and somehow when I pulled that one card, two more tagged along with it. All three talked about family. Another sign mentioned in this article was family & friends. The cards said I focus and therefore not through selfish means keep my family and friends, but keep them because we're just that strong together. :D
Have had crazy inner sadness. Will continue to fix. :)
Actually looking for job/career change...would rather have it recognized soon enough to not be jolted by that crazy ride of "suddenness". You know??
My dreams have been more intense...will pay attention more.
Pretty sure everyone has noticed, especially Hubby, my talking with myself.
Little at odds with the no passion...Physical passion has decreased :( *working on it*, but passion to escape current career situation and passion for costumes/masks have increased...well, last month or so that has decreased, but I consider that "artist's block".
Longing to go home...NOPE. Longing for a just world on this planet Earth...YES! And maybe that's what last paragraph is trying to say. I'm not leaving...next tour of duty is not only signed up for, but for the one after that and the one after that and the one after that and...etc...etc...etc...:D
oh and forgot to mention the sign of "being a teacher". Come'on Universe... I'm working on that, ok? Just have to figure out the starting point...as you keep trying to teach me...have patience! ;)
Our education used to have higher levels...now...not so much. A simple thing of touch typing equals a type of instinct that worked. But now we have this thing of flat screen typing without feedback becoming more and more prevalent. In recent years, I've noticed people typing in ways that wasn't touch typist style. Ok, so they didn't learn the typical typing keyboard. So, they were still typing without watching their fingers. My father was a programmer and let me tell you, thought their typing wasn't typical typing words...they were still touch typists. Now...though...with the whole flat surface typing thing becoming more and more prominent, I'm wondering...is the taught instinctual typing gone???? Hubby just pointed out that nobody types touch wise, but watch their fingers. The flat non-feedback typing just emphasizes that everyone watches their fingers, which in turn slows us down in our typing whatever our thoughts are trying to spew out. Is that really making things better for human evolution????
P.S. Extra tipsy, but I'm really believing we're being steadily dumbed down. :( :(
1. had sex.
2. bought condoms.
3. gotten pregnant.
4. failed a class.
5. kissed a boy.
6. kissed a girl.
7. used a little paper bag for lunch.
8. had a job.
9. slipped on ice.
10. missed the school bus.
11. left the house without my purse.
12. bullied someone on the internet.
14. had sex in public.
15. played on a sports team.
16. smoked weed.
17. smoked cigarettes.
18. smoked a cigar.
19. drank alcohol
20. watched "The Breakfast Club"
21. been overweight.
22. been underweight.
23. had an eating disorder.
24. been to a wedding.
25. made fun of someone for being fat.
26. been on the computer for 5 hours straight.
27. watched tv for 5 hours straight.
28. been late for work.
29. been late for school.
30. kissed in the rain.
31. showered with someone else.
32. failed my drivers test.
33. ran a mile in less than 10 minutes.
34. been outside my home country.
35. been on a road trip longer than 5 hours.
36. had lice.
37. gotten fired.
38. had a credit card.
39. been to a professional sports game.
40. broken a bone.
41. been unhappy about my weight.
42. won a trophy.
43. cut myself=accidental: yes...on purpose: ummm...your kink is ok...just not mine.
44. had an STD.
45. got engaged.
46. been on a diet.
47. tried out to be on a tv show...weeelllll...was part of movie that they were hoping it could be turned into a TV series.
48. rode in a taxi.
49. been to prom.
50. played a drinking game.
51. stayed up for 24 hours or more.
52. been to a concert.
53. had a three-some.
54. had a crush on someone of the same sex.
55. been in a car accident.
56. had braces.
57. learned another language.
58. killed an animal. (Squirrels insist on using my car as a method of suicide).
59. been at a yard sale.
60. been to a Japanese steakhouse.
61. worn make up.
62. talked to someone via webcam.
63. lost my virginity before I was 16.
64. had my wisdom teeth taken out.
65. kissed someone a different race than myself.
66. snuck out of the house.
67. bought porn.
68. had a virus on my computer.
69. had oral sex.
70. dyed my hair.
71. gone skinny dipping.
72. graduated from college.
73. worn someone else's clothes.
74. voted in a presidential election.
75. rode in an ambulance.
76. rode in a helicopter.
77. caught the stove on fire.
78. got in a fight.
79. met someone famous.
80. been on vacation.
81. been on an airplane.
82. been on a boat.
83. broken something expensive.
84. had surgery.
85. kissed someone before I was 14.
86. beat a video game.
87. found something valuable on the ground.
88. made a survey.
89. stalked someone on facebook/myspace.(Ok... I do look up exes from time to time, but mostly just because I'm insanely curious)
90. prank called someone.
91. been to a library outside of school.
92. spent over $100 shopping in one day.
93. cut my hair and hated it.
94. peed outside.
95. went fishing.
96. helped with charity.
97. taken a pregnancy test.
98. been rejected by a crush.
99. been suspended from school.
100. broken a mirror.
45 years later: 1967=hippie revolution. However, this was the teenagers, male & female, of the "rich white man" child who rebelled. Revolution.
45 years later: 2012=???? We're in the middle of an outright blatant ownership of the "rich white man" dick wagging in our faces...and, I don't know...I'm thinking there's a lot more non-rich-white-man people than flappers and hippies combined that will finally say, enough is fucking enough!!!!
Man...I can only hope!!!!
Out of ALL things I've made, to help a costume along...this was the most enjoyable. I've made fans, kitty tails, dragon wings, hats with rabbit ears, wands & staffs, and probably much more just can't remember it all. I love creating costumes even though I can't sew from scratch, hot glue is my friend. As I've said to family and friends, I can grab things out of a closet or hidden box of accessories and farm parts to create new stuff.
So, that's what I'm trying to do as a business venture. Hence, Costume Alchemy: Hidden costumes in your closet.
The interesting part is this idea branched from that mask back in January. I've made like over a dozen masks since then. I'll be at a booth this next weekend trying to sell 8-9 of them. I've already got 2 at a consignment store, one of those being raffled off for a great cause.
I wanted Costume Alchemy because I knew that the opportunity for lots of different things for my creative side to explode outward, ie: different costume ideas, opportunity for different accessory creations, and just simply lots of different people to interact with.
The interesting part is I can't stop making the masks. When I analyze myself, I thought, I can't make this more than once or twice and then I'll get bored. I have with all other projects. I just couldn't keep it up...and yet...the masks...WOW!!!! I may be jinxing myself now, but I actually feel like I could keep going after this one booth event this weekend. Actually, I have another booth event that I could try to sell masks at. WOW!!!! And I mean this is WOW to me!! I'm not bored. It may be the booth opportunities that is spurring me on, but that was one of my worries is that then I'd feel pressured to make this one product and my idea machine would break.
And just now, it didn't really break, but it did hit a brick wall, but then I remembered an idea and poof wall is gone.
What's surprising to me is I don't feel like I'm slowing down. I still want Costume Alchemy to happen...it's just I realized that the masks may be the "front" to the business...and I'm OK with that. :D :D
Have a gander and let me know what ya think...it is really basic and blunt and forward...but as an artist, don't I have that obligation? ;)
Pics for examples of costumes & props: http://www.flickr.com/photos/
I saw this link on Facebook. The guy has 6 children. And considering how much my husband and I are making combined and are struggling with just one child and a mortgage and still try to have some decent fun in between....I can kind of understand...a little. Wish we could be making over $170,000 a year!!!!! BTW...that's just his money.
Anyway...the thing that triggered me was "6 children". Really???? That many?? WHY????
Now China's One Child Policy...seems a bit harsh. I mean... to deprive your child of a sibling...(I have a brother :D )...and if you really have the type of family that really is great and supportive then the experience of one should happen again. We're humans...we like our good experiences and want them over and over again. Right?
I say let them at least have two and then stop. Sorry if you don't get your boy to carry the family name...but you got to at least have your drug one more time.
But, over here in US, and this is the part that will get me shot, we have religion that requires us to breed...and breed...and breed. We have religion that says that sex is for procreation only, so when a couple finally enjoys one of life's most enjoyable events...suddenly we have more children that really aren't wanted but "god" is punishing us for having a harmless enjoyable time together. Children???? as punishment???? That's what it looks like from my prospective when I view certain unsavory family dynamics. (btw...my family's dynamic is AWESOME because they did want us. :D )
They wanted an action plan by this Friday. Not sure what I could do to improve my number of calls. They want me to get 9calls per hour...however from 7-9am I get maybe 9 calls. So, I'm now behind. So, I sent them plan: to keep aftercall at 45min. or less...which is actually 45 minutes LESS than they say is allowable for agents. And stay available as much as possible.
Then I put in my side: I have consistently been keeping my aftercall at around 45 per day. I have consistently been available for incoming calls over 2hrs per day...this means I'm waiting for a call to come to my phone. I've kept my customer service score above 95% for over a year. Since implementation of the Corporatacracy's "no break if call total not on target" in Dec. I've pretty much have only my lunch hour away from work. I'm feeling very punished for something I have no control over.
I'm hoping that the HR person that is part of this "coaching" notice reads and listens. But, I'm not holding breath...everyone any higher than us cogs only cares about money and so, dear husband...I may be losing this job due to unrealistic standards. You can damn well bet I will be getting worker's comp from this!!!!
There is a move afoot in the nation -driven by the GOP - to repeal the new health care laws, to protect corporate interests, to defend against fear-mongering (and stupid) cries of "socialism!", and to ensure that people are forced to choose between keeping a roof over their heads or getting necessary health care.
This movement is killing people.
Think I'm overstating the fact?
Ask the friends and family of writer/reviewer Melissa Mia Hall, who died of a heart attack last week because she was so terrified of medical bills, she didn't go see a doctor who could have saved her life.
From another writer friend: One person. Not the only one. That could have been me. Yeah, I have access to insurance -- I live in New York City, which is freelancer-friendly, and have access to freelancer advocacy groups. Through them, I can pay over $400/month ($5,760/year) as a single, healthy woman, so that if I go to the hospital I'm not driven to bankruptcy. But a doctor's appointment - a routine physical - can still cost me several hundred dollars each visit. So unless something's terribly wrong? I won't go.
My husband worked for the government for 30 years. We have government employee (retired) insurance. It is the only thing of value he took away from that job. His pension is pitiful. He still works part time. My writing income has diminished drastically. Our combined income is now less than what it was before T retired fifteen years ago. Inflation has diminished it further. In the last 30 days I have racked up over $8000 in medical bills for tests and the beginning of treatment. Our co-pay is 20% after the deductible. And there is more to come. Our savings are already gone. I have the gold standard of insurance and I still can't pay all the medical bills.
Another friend lost her insurance when her husband lost his job. She couldn't afford medication and ended up bed ridden for three months at the end of over a year of no job and therefore no insurance until he found work again.
It's our responsibility. All of us, together. As a nation.
EtA: Nobody is trying to put insurance companies out of business. They will always be able to offer a better plan for a premium. We simply want to ensure that every citizen - from infant to senior citizen - doesn't have to choose between medical care, and keeping a roof over their heads, or having enough to eat.
We're trying to get this to go viral. Pass it along.
I'm going to post my story as the first comment to this post if anyone would like to read it. If anyone wants to tell their story, please tell it on your own journal and post a link in the comments. Maybe, just maybe, TPTB will listen to the
Also gonna see if I can make this viral on FB as well.
Buuuutttt...Little One is not so little anymore...and I'm finding that the friends she is associates with is the very kinds of friends that I would be friends with. It's a bit weird...but...cool...
I'm at this situation where I can relate to her friends...and give advice, only because they seem to be listening...not just hearing but "listening". I'm totally, like, whoa...how old am I???? I feel like a teenager gossiping with friends and yet being the sage, wise old women that is helping younglings be the free-spirited-open-minded-yet grounded-enough-to-survive-today's-
I better just shut up before I dig my own ego-hole. The point I'm trying to make...I'm beginning to like this neighborhood mom position that I'm starting to perceive that I'm in...:D
Finally working from home for my job
Get to have perfect temperature settings in workplace and extreme expansion of clothing options for new work location. (my favorite part)
MUCH improved relationship with Hubby.
A new nephew!! :D With red hair!!!!
A diet that appears to be working...FINALLY!!!!
A horrible family crisis that NO parent should ever have to go through. Yes, I know this is a public post, but just please understand if I don't share more...but this could explain some of my "I just don't seem to care about you" attitude since late Aug. I apologize now for said attitude if you were a possible recipient.
Last bad: residual fallout has continued into this new year. :(
Overall...I have more good than bad. Let's hope the Good "breeds". ;)